Many women tell me that they have lost interest in sex during their pregnancy. This saddens me because feeling sexy is so very helpful during pregnancy and even during birthing! There are legitimate reasons why women lose interest in sex during the first trimester: fatigue, nausea, vaginal dryness, and fear of losing the pregnancy especially if they have experienced a miscarriage before. But once that belly has grown, Mama, it's time to break out the water-based lubricant and explore some different positions LOL! All kidding aside, feeling sexy is one of the best things you can do for your unborn child. Why?
1. Connecting to your partner gives you and your unborn child a sense of security. A sense that everything is going to be alright... "Baby, don't worry 'bout a thing / 'Cause every little thing / Is gonna be alright" (Bob Marley) this was the song I used to sing to my unborn daughter when I was feeling alone during her pregnancy. Even though I was engaged to be married at the time, we were having struggles and we were not sleeping together! I had to learn to surround myself with the positive and loving people I needed in my life. We are an interdependant people. We do not do this alone. You know the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child", well, I really believe it's true and it starts in pregnancy. We need hugs, cuddles, snuggles, kisses, loving, massage, physical connection with another human being, to feel secure. And it's not needy or desperate to feel this way, it's normal. So if you're not getting what you need out of your relationship, ASK. Communicate clearly. You don't need to nag, it's all about HOW you communicate. Something I learned in my 8th month of pregnancy with my daughter was D.E.S.C. -- Describe the behaviour I observed, Explain how I felt when I observed it, Specify the change in behaviour I'd like to see, state the Consequence of the change occuring or not occurring using Natural Consequences as much as possible. Natural Consequences are those that come about as natural reactions to the change (or lack of). If the D.E.S.C. exercise doesn't work, will your partner be willing to see a therapist with you? I'm not talking about a sex therapist, just a regular therapist will do. Sometimes bringing in a Doula can be a huge help too - because the Doula will guide your partner into ways which (s)he can help you through pregnancy and birthing, the practice sessions with your Doula may inspire a later night than you had intended after the Doula leaves! The main point is to get your sense of security needs met, so whether they are being met in the relationship or not, how can you improve on this point? Can you let your family into your life a little bit more? Or your closest friends?
2. You ARE a beautiful wild element of nature in all your humanity standing at the threshold of parenthood in bare flesh - why not act like it? For the second time in all your life, you embody the mysteries of the reproductive cycle in all its glory. The first time was when you first began menstruation and discovered you had a womb! This time, you have the opportunity to turn away from the shame cycle that many would have us be frozen in and free yourself to the beauty of it all. In doing this, your unborn child will thank you because (s)he will be freer to enter this world in harmony as well.
3. Ok, the one you've all been waiting for... OXYTOCIN. Yup, I said it, the "O" word. No, not that "O" word (although there is always the potential for orgasmic birth if you want to take it that far), Oxytocin is the LOVE hormone that helps birthing and breastfeeding happen in all sorts of great ways, helps you bond with baby and baby bond with you!